My little 'giant'

A day before we went back to Terengganu, I brought Adam and his bibik to Jusco Bkt Raja. I just wanted to buy a few things for Adam's birthday party. Adam behaved so well and sat quietly in his stroller. Even when I wanted to take him out of his stroller, he refused and tried to buckle back the harness.

As a gift for such a good behaviour (actually he was very sleepy), I treated him with a ride. When I first put him in the car, he turned and bang the steering to make the car move but to no avail. My maid and I was already laughing our heart out then. Being the kind mom I am, I inserted some coins to switch the car on. Here is some footage of him when the car started to move..



He just sit still! He must be scared of the moving car.. It was so funny to see his curious face wondering what has just happened to the car.. After the car stopped, this is what he did...



Mommy miss you!

~Seghiau~

Have you seen this billboard before? I passed this on my way to and fro the office. No matter how many times I have passed the billboard, it never fails to make me feel "seghiau". It's so real I feel as though I am the one who is up there. I couldn't find the right word to describe "seghiau". I don't even know if it's a real word. Anyone could help me?

~ The Decision ~

Last night, in my Dale Carnegie Course class, we were asked to share the defining moment in our lives. Well, 5 months ago, I made a decision that has made an abrupt change to my life.

5 months ago, I was working in the Corporate & Investment Banking division of one of the largest Islamic Bank in the world. I really love what I was doing. My day to day job included analysing the financial standing of our clients. From time to time I had to travel for site visits either locally or abroad. The industry was very competitive I would say. We have to ensure we work very fast to be able to close the deal. The datelines for new tasks were always yesterday! Not only my day at work was tiring, I also had to endure 2 hours of traffic every morning and another 2 hours in the evening.

The stress at work and the stress from the traffic really drained my energy. To be able to reach office at 8.30am, I had to leave at 6.30 am. I usually reached home at 8pm earliest. Maybe on some good days I could reach home at 7.30 pm. But on busy days, I might only leave office at midnight. When I reached home, I was already too tired to cook or play with my son. All I wanted was just a good rest and sleep. Day by day, I became more cranky and grumpier. I snapped at my husband and I scolded my son on a daily basis.

One day, it dawned on me that my life was miserable. All the money I earned meant nothing. I rarely see my friends anymore. Or more like I never see my friends anymore. I was mean at home. So, I started asking myself, is this what I want? Is this how I want to grow my son? By scolding and scream at him every single day? For how long? Do I want to be like my bosses who are always in the office? And my answers to all the questions were NO.

This incident happened on a Friday. On the very next Monday, I tendered my 3 months notice. My bosses were surprised. My colleagues were shocked. They did not expect this from me. In the beginning, of course I had doubts. Was I making the right decision? What if I don't like my new job? What if I miss analysing the financials? How about my salary? Would I still be able to sustain my lifestyle? But I brushed all the questions off. I told myself, this is something I had to do and sacrifice for the better of my family.

After my 3 months notice ended, I spent half a month 24 7 with my son. Our relationship grew stronger. I cooked for him, I played with him, I sang and danced with him. It was the greatest 2 weeks of my life.

On 1st October, I started my new job in Damansara. Though the distance to my new office is only 4km less than my old bank, the traffic is great! Even if I leave the house at 8 am, I could still reach my office on time and on some lucky days, I could even have a quick breakfast with my colleagues first before work starts. The workload is just nice. As I am working in a different industry, I found it not as stressing as analysing the financials of a company and worrying whether the client could meet its financial obligations. In the evening, if I leave my office at 5.30pm sharp, I would be able to reach home before 6.30 pm.

I now have time to walk my son to the playground and spend quality time with him. After maghrib, I will cook for my husband. With constant practice, I think my cooking skill has improved tremendously. Though of course there is still huge room for improvement.  Last weekend, my husband told me that he has noticed the change in me. I am a nicer person now. I am not as grumpy and cranky as I was a couple of months back. I am glad he noticed it and mentioned it to me. That has really made my day..

I know I am a happier person now. So, I guess I made the right decision after all.

Oh, and this is Adam's latest picture. Isn't he very tall?

Father Forgets

As I was reading Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People, I stumbled accross this story:

FATHER FORGETS

W. Livingston Larned

condensed as in "Readers Digest"

Listen, son: I am saying this as you lie asleep, one little paw crumpled under your cheek and the blond curls stickily wet on your damp forehead. I have stolen into your room alone. Just a few minutes ago, as I sat reading my paper in the library, a stifling wave of remorse swept over me. Guiltily I came to your bedside.

There are the things I was thinking, son: I had been cross to you. I scolded you as you were dressing for school because you gave your face merely a dab with a towel. I took you to task for not cleaning your shoes. I called out angrily when you threw some of your things on the floor.

At breakfast I found fault, too. You spilled things. You gulped down your food. You put your elbows on the table. You spread butter too thick on your bread. And as you started off to play and I made for my train, you turned and waved a hand and called, "Goodbye, Daddy!" and I frowned, and said in reply, "Hold your shoulders back!"

Then it began all over again in the late afternoon. As I came up the road I spied you, down on your knees, playing marbles. There were holes in your stockings. I humiliated you before your boyfriends by marching you ahead of me to the house. Stockings were expensive-and if you had to buy them you would be more careful! Imagine that, son, from a father!

Do you remember, later, when I was reading in the library, how you came in timidly, with a sort of hurt look in your eyes? When I glanced up over my paper, impatient at the interruption, you hesitated at the door. "What is it you want?" I snapped.

You said nothing, but ran across in one tempestuous plunge, and threw your arms around my neck and kissed me, and your small arms tightened with an affection that God had set blooming in your heart and which even neglect could not wither. And then you were gone, pattering up the stairs.

Well, son, it was shortly afterwards that my paper slipped from my hands and a terrible sickening fear came over me. What has habit been doing to me? The habit of finding fault, of reprimanding-this was my reward to you for being a boy. It was not that I did not love you; it was that I expected too much of youth. I was measuring you by the yardstick of my own years.

And there was so much that was good and fine and true in your character. The little heart of you was as big as the dawn itself over the wide hills. This was shown by your spontaneous impulse to rush in and kiss me good night. Nothing else matters tonight, son. I have come to your bedside in the darkness, and I have knelt there, ashamed!

It is feeble atonement; I know you would not understand these things if I told them to you during your waking hours. But tomorrow I will be a real daddy! I will chum with you, and suffer when you suffer, and laugh when you laugh. I will bite my tongue when impatient words come. I will keep saying as if it were a ritual: "He is nothing but a boy-a little boy!"

I am afraid I have visualised you as a man. Yet as I see you now, son, crumpled and weary in your cot, I see that you are still a baby. Yesterday you were in your mother's arms, your head on her shoulder. I have asked too much, too much, yet given too little of myself. Promise me, as I teach you to have the manners of a man, that you will remind me how to have the loving spirit of a child.

Reading it reminds me of my little Adam. I am guilty of the same things. I often raised my voice to get him out of the kitchen, scold him when he did not follow what I asked him to do, all when he's only a little boy. My little baby. He did not even understand a word I was saying. And after all that, he would still come and kiss my cheek.

Sorry Adam, mommy promise, mommy won't raise mommy's voice to you anymore. No matter how tired mommy is, or how hard mommmy's day was, it has nothing to do with you. When mommy is home with you, mommy has to be your mom and treat you like how a son need to be treated; with gentle and love. Lots and lots of love. Sorry sayang..

daddy's birthday present

Hi guys! It's been years since my last post and since I got not much to do in my new office, I decided to write again after the very long pause.

My birthday is on Sept 10, 8 days after Adam's. Last year I got the best birthday present ever, 8 days old Adam Harris minus his mommy!

And for this year, mommy kem bought me a lovely shirt and treat me coffee (which ended up with me paying). Thanks dear! And while having the coffee, I saw a guy with his two sweet daughters, getting into their car with shopping bags. I can't help but to think some good points of shopping with your own daughters;

1. daddy looks younger
2. no nagging
3. no need to carry the shopping bag
4. no time consuming as the girls walk faster than mommy
5. no sakit lutut or sakit pinggang (dunno why it's always happened when shop with the mommy)

So that will be my wish list for next birthday. Nak gegirl!